"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." Mark kneeled in the confessional, smiling. A heavy silence hung in the air after he spoke, one Mark had no intention of breaking.
After several moments, the priest responded. "Go on, my son. You must confess your sins before your penance is determined."
"I'm sorry, Father. This is my first confession."
"How long have you been a believer, my son?"
"Oh, I'd say about twenty years."
Another silence, then the priest spoke again, his voice hardened with disappointment. "Then I imagine you will need a good deal of time to finish confessing."
"Yes, Father, I think I will."
"Begin, my son."
Mark paused a moment, letting his thoughts wander. What was the best way to do this?
"Well, first off, I coveted Bill's--that's my neighbor--wife. I've been doing it for the past fifteen years."
"The failings of our mind often betray us, my son. Go on."
"Then two days ago, the coveting ended. By me having sex with Janice. That's Bill's wife."
The priest started to speak, but Mark cut him off. "I also did Bill's two daughters."
"The failures of the flesh--"
"Oh, and I forgot to say, this wasn't consensual."
"You mean you raped three women?"
"Yes, Father. And then...then I killed them."
A loud thunk echoed through the confessional. Mark guessed the priest had fallen out of his chair. He tried to control himself, but he couldn't--a giggle escaped. He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth and waited for the priest to respond.
It took a minute or so, but the priest said, "My son, you are saying you raped your neighbor's wife and two daughters, then killed them all?"
"Yes, Father. I also killed Bill. With a gun. Their dog too."
The priest's sigh was louder than the thunk, and probably audible from the church's entrance. "Go on, my son."
"Well, then I went home, and I had sex with my wife before I killed her, too." Mark tried but couldn't quite keep the merriness out of his voice.
"My son, confession is sacred, and if you are not truly repentant, it is meaningless."
"I'm sorry, Father. I guess I just have my guilty pleasures."
"You mean that you've raped and killed before?"
"No, Father." Mark could barely speak through the laughter. "I just enjoy shocking the hell out of you priests."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment